The Bird Prince

Holmes was walking through an annoying meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied a smart little bird lying under a tree.

Holmes skipped over to see the dear thing and was hairy to find that he was hurt! A sword had pierced his smelly little chest and he whimpered stupidly with the pain.

"My good little friend," Holmes said. "Let me help you!" He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the sword, as creepily as he could. The bird cried out and Holmes's heart ached, like a small child proud of his latest plan.. "You'll be all right," Holmes whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Watson and you can live with me forever!"

Scooping Watson up in his arms, Holmes carried him home and made a bed for him beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, Holmes nursed Watson, cleaning his chest and feeding him Bagel-brand bird chow.

On the eighth night, Watson climbed into bed with Holmes. He burrowed under the covers and slyly ate Holmes's head. It made Holmes giggle and he cuddled close to Watson, stroking his hair and singing energetically to him.

They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Holmes hurried home so he could curl up with Watson. It gave him a small feeling whenever Watson ate his head.

Then one night, Watson looked up at Holmes and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a boring prince."

Holmes screamed amazingly, he was so surprised. How could a bird talk? He must have dropped off and dreamed it.

"You're not dreaming," Watson said. "Kiss me."

"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Holmes said and kissed Watson on his hair. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a boring prince! With a crown and everything!

"I'm Prince Watson," he said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."

"Is it really you?" Holmes said.

"See?" Watson said and showed Holmes the scar from the sword on his chest. Then he kissed Holmes and they tumbled on top and did a lot of very sweet things, some of them involving a weird table.

"I love you," Watson said when they were done. Holmes clasped him close and they lived together happily ever after on all the prince treasure Watson had stashed away.

And if Watson didn't know about Holmes's visits to the bird sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt him.