Christopher Anthony John Martin

Chris is a ball of energy. On stage he is up and about never ready to rest. He dances with the crowds, he jumps and sings and never misses a beat. Sometimes I’d wonder if he would blink during a concert. He ran the long stage from the little section Guy claimed to the ramp upon which I stand yet; he never tired out for a moment. I wasn’t like him at all, he’d ask me to dance and I would but, I wasn’t able to for long, I would tire out and let him be.

The man had the energy and mentality of a five year old. He was always on the go and ready to explore. It was a new song idea he got at three am or a new band he saw at a local gig, he was on the ball. If only I could be half the spirit he is I would be able to get past this state I’m in.

We shared hotel rooms; we’ve been sharing them for over a year now. Chris and I were roommates as well as bedmates, though not in that certain way. He was never able to sleep since the day we met. Chris told me he had never had a goodnight’s sleep. One long night after a concert when Chris was feeling a bit ill he broke this insomnia.

The second he laid his curly head to the pillow his eyes drifted shut and he was fast asleep. I couldn’t help but, to stare. Was he faking it? I couldn’t tell. Whether he was asleep or not I knew he looked more like an angle than he ever did, when he was at rest. When he had closed down his mind for the night and let his body rest all his frown lines and stressed out features disappeared.

My blue eyed friend was a dream who had dreams of his own. I could never have him I knew that but, it was nice to think about it. I would lay back when he was asleep and picture us as a happy couple.

I imagined there was a ring on his left ring finger. I imagined this motel was a lavish resort we were spending our honeymoon at. I tried to think about what our house would really look like. Would we have kids? Were they blondes or did they have dull green eyes? Did we have a little daughter? Or did we have a few troublesome boys?

The most significant question I pondered was whether Chris would dream of me tonight or not. I was silent in my thoughts for hours when I heard muttering from Guy and Will’s room.

“Who do you think will admit it first?”

“Chris will. Jonny is too soft-spoken and shy to confess love. Not even to a cake.”

“I’m sure he could. I mean have you seen the looks he gives those chocolate cakes down at the bakery?”

“He probably fears the cake doesn’t feel the same.”
“He fears Chris doesn’t feel the same.”

“Chris fears Jon won’t feel the same.”

“We have to help them out. I can’t watch them go like this, it so stressful.”

“Stressful?”

“Kinda like watching a superhero having his mask being ripped off and people still not realizing who he is. You get stressed by how oblivious people are.”

“When do you think they fell for each other?” Guy asked.

“Before we knew them. I could see it. They were in love then.”

“What if they are just pretending? They could already be together and just hide it from us. Maybe that’s what they are scared of.”

Were they serious? They thought Chris loved me back. They thought we were dating back in university. Back when we shared an apartment. The fact that I wasn’t the only one who thought this crushed me. If everyone else sees it then why doesn’t Chris? Chris wasn’t naïve; he knew when something was up.

Chris knew I was in love with him, but he would not tell me he knew. He knew and he wasn’t feeling the same. That could be the only possibility. Why Christopher? Why must I be suffering from your beauty? Why couldn’t you feel the same?

I began to cry. My heart felt like it was being stepped on and torn to shreds. My shoulders began to shake with my uncontrollable sobbing. I was hurting from my heart and it made my head ache and my muscles sore.

Chris began to stir after my crying had turned to wailing. I was being a weak little poof, a child almost. Men don’t cry over their unrequited love for their closest friend. I tried to stop but, I wasn’t able to. When I opened my eyes everything was a deep shade of vermillion.

“Jonny-boy? J, what the-? Are you alright?” Chris bolted up from beneath the sheets as if his slumber had not just been disturbed. He moves closer to me and puts his arms around me. “Shhh…” He hushes me, rubbing his hands down my back. I cannot stand being so close to the reason for my tears. He’s rubbing it in my face -or rather back- that I can only have friendship from him.

I push him away rather forcefully and hurry down the bed, falling out when I reach the bottom. I land flat on my back and end up winding myself.

“Jon what is going on?!” Chris angrily shouts at me, while my eyes water and I try to breathe. Will and Guy must have heard my fall as the door flings open and they walk in.

Guy assuming it was my own clumsiness makes a joke out of our situation.

“Looks like Chris wasn’t happy when Jonny admitted his love,” He winks at Will. Will ignores the comment and asks us what happened. Chris sits one the edge of the bed and tries to explain his side while I catch my breath. Will listens patiently and Guy walks off muttering something about Dianna.

“Jonny? Why were you crying?” Will asks simply and flat out.

Do it Jonny… Do it. Say it, tell them. Make Chris realize. Say it.

“I… Love… L- Love…You…” The two men stare at me with blank expressions. “Chris.” Will slowly leaves the room smiling.

“Really Jon?” I nod at Chris and we share a passionate kiss.